who needs health?

"Are you interested in our health tips, Ms. B?"

"Honey, no! I'm trying to kill myself!"
She then laughed wildly and hung up.

Cancellation

Mr. C - "No one told me I had to tell you when I cancelled"

Me - "It is standard practice to tell a company when you no longer want their services."

Mr. C - "No, it isn't. Don't give me that. That's ridiculous."

Me - "Sir, there is no way for us to know that you no longer want service unless you tell us."

Mr. C - "I need to speak to your manager about this."

I'm too easily amused.

Every time my coworker (when talking to her customer) says the name Mr. Bean, I get flashbacks of Rowan Atkinson's genius and am very hard pressed not to giggle.

It's not all bad - a contrast

Dear nice man at the gas station,

Thank you for showing me that not everyone is full of anger. It wasn't a lot of gas, but you could have gone back inside for your change rather than passing the pump across to me. I appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness.

Love, the poor girl at the gas pump

not helping

Dear customer,

You were right. It was not a pleasure speaking to you. It was completely dreadful. Not, as you might have hoped, because I was filled with guilt and shame over the way in which you thought you had been treated. Rather, I was appalled at the ignorance that you displayed. In the future, please don't call me if you don't actually want to pause briefly and listen to what I have to say.

If you would like to speak with someone in customer service, you are welcome at any time. If you would like to yell abuse, please buy a turtle. You can yell to your heart's content without hurting anyone else.

With love,
your friendly customer service representative (we really would like to help you)

Why I hate my job

"Is this account still open? I cancelled it way back in February. I can't believe you've been charging me this whole time!"

"Mr. F, I can cancel this account for you today, since I don't see it was cancelled before."

"I called in February and cancelled it, emphatically!"

"Sir, this account hadn't even been opened yet in February. You didn't purchase your phone until April."

The conversation went downhill from there.

Water Damage

Our customers are not always the most technologically savvy. Most of the time, this is not an issue as we can explain exactly where they are going wrong and what needs to be done to resolve their problem. However, there are times when this lack of know-how has quite the detrimental effect.

Electronic equipment is very sensitive to liquid damage and should not be exposed to it. Unfortunately, one customer dropped their device in a toilet. Knowing that his device would not work when wet, he attempted to dry it out. In the microwave.

Sparks and smoke ensued. Fortunately, there was not a full-fledged fire, but there was no saving his device and little hope for the microwave.