The Meeting of Nerd Minds

Mrs. C (no relation to Mr. C) called in to find out if she could lower her bill. Together, we looked at her last bill and the usage on her phone. Basically, there was no way to reduce the bill unless she started using it less, which wasn't really an option since she is using it as her home phone.

We were gently discussing using night and weekend minutes when she cried out, "That man looks like a Ferengi!"

Me: "Really? Is Star Trek on?"

Mrs. C: "No, he's on this discovery thing, something about the Amazon, but he looks just like a Ferengi. What's he doing in the Amazon?"

Me: "I have no idea."

Mrs. C: "Wait, this is jitterbug, isn't it? For a minute, I forgot who I was talking to."

Me: "Yes, it is jitterbug, but I understand. The shock of seeing an alien in the rainforest could make anyone forget."

Mrs.C: "I'm impressed that you even knew what I was talking about. It's nice to speak with someone who has their brain turned on."

Me: "Thank you. It's been a pleasure speaking with you as well."

Travel Monologue

Mr. C's verboseness amused me greatly. All he called to ask was whether he could use his phone outside of his home area. The answer to that was most definitely in the affirmative. That part of the call took about a minute.

The rest of the call involved me checking specific area codes for coverage while listening to Mr. C tell me all about his vacation plans. Once he had finished telling me where he was going this year, he also told me about the vacations he had taken with his wife - whom he described as being a lovely and accomplished woman - for the two previous years.

In the end, we spent nearly twenty minutes on the phone together before ending the call. These twenty minutes, I believe, were mutually beneficial. Mr. C found out that his phone works in more places than he had imagined, and I got a refresher course on the wonders of North America and Europe.

Cancelling my Patience

"I will eviscerate you in fiction . . ."

Chaucer's threats in the movie 'A Knight's Tale' resonate more clearly with me today than they ever have before. I found myself fumbling for words when Mr. B confronted me about his bill. His level of stupidity and obstinate unwillingness to attempt to listen confounded me. With astonishment, I listened to his harangue about being charged forty dollars for one minute.

"This crook of a company charged me for one minute! It's on the bill. One Minute."

I pulled up the invoice and looked at it. True, it did say that one minute had been used, but it also quite clearly stated "Usage Charges - $0.00"

"Well, sir, you are paying for the monthly plan, not per minute use. The charge would be the same whether you used one minute or fifty."

He didn't get it.
And didn't get it.

"I deliberately left the phone on and didn't use it to see how much you would dare to charge me. I'm not paying this."

It's called a rate plan. It's not a new concept that our company has invented. It is, in fact, standard across the industry. You pay a specific amount per month and we grant you a certain number of minutes to use. Whether you use them or not is your free choice. If you want to pay for your phone to sit on your charger gathering dust, you are free to do so. Of course, I didn't say that in those words. Instead, I politely explained that he was paying for the service per month and that, as he could see, he was not being charged for that minute.

He kept whinging on about his one minute like that was the issue. It wasn't.

Two invoices stacked on top of each other are going to seem like a significant amount, especially if you haven't used the phone. Again, it's your phone, you can use it or not as you choose. However, you still have to pay. It is not a criminal activity on the company's part to expect you to pay for what you have been given.

Even so, I extended several, quite generous offers, to Mr. B. in an effort to keep him with our company. I did this despite my strong feelings that we would be better off without him. It's thinking like that which will, I'm sure, keep me from every being truly "successful." Fortunately for my bruised feelings - if not for my monthly retention - he rejected all of the offers and cancelled his service.

I felt an evil twinge of satisfaction as I informed him that his phone would no longer be working, however, he would still be required to pay the bill for the amount already incurred. And then I said, "Goodbye, Mr. B."

Empty Compliments

Me - "To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

Customer - "You have the pleasure of speaking to the handsomest man in Florida!"

M - "And what was your name?"

C - "My name is W_, and I'm sure I'm speaking to the prettiest girl in wherever you are."

M - "Thank you, but I think that depends on who you ask."

Shush

It can sometimes be difficult to answer customer's questions. The questions can be confusing, poorly expressed, or there may simply be no answer that pleases the customer or that the customer will understand.

All of this doesn't stop the questions, nor should it. However, my suggestion would be that, after asking a question, you stop and listen.

Especially remember that shushing the representative will automatically result in no answers being forthcoming.

Unusual

A tank followed me to work today.

new technology

One of the most interesting parts of this job is explaining the different technological features to some of our customers. Voice mail does not feel as though it should be a strange, new concept. Answering machines have been around for years, and most of our customers have those. However, mention voice mail to them, and panic sets in.

Most are quite sure that they would not know how to use it. And they could be right. As one dear customer put it, "But how do I mail my voice? Do I have to put my voice on?"

Irate Mistakes

A man called today. That fact in itself is not remarkable. Neither is the fact that he was already angry when we answered the phone. People generally work themselves up into a frenzy when they know they are calling to have a confrontation.

What made this man special is the reason for which he was calling. He informed us, with high volume and very little space for breathing, that he was most unhappy that the promised repairman had not appeared within the specified window of time.

Our company does not have repairmen that go to houses. There is no possibility that anyone from the company would ever have been going anywhere near a customer's dwelling.

"Sir, this is (our company's) customer service. Were you trying to reach a different company?"

He paused, "This isn't __?"

When assured that it was not, he apologized repeatedly and profusely.

Seeing Clearly

Today, I emerged from the egg of training and entered my nesting period. I have begun to stretch my wings and interact with the unsuspecting public.

Apparently, the company should be responsible for ensuring that customer's can read any and all information sent. I agree with this to a point. The information should be presented in a clear and easy-to-read format. However, there is a limit.

"You should really package magnifying glasses with every order."

Not going to happen.